Designers are, by default, homosexual?
But not only designers; any man with either an instinctive sense of fashion, or an even basic head-knowledge of shoes. Let me ask you, men, the gay-not-gay question. Apparently, if you are able to explain what this is, you must be homosexual. No exceptions are accepted here, so if you didn’t come out of puberty with a clear answer as to your sexuality, you can obtain absolute certainty right now. I hope you’re ready to discover your sexuality:
Describe a halter top.
If you were able to do this without outside help, you are, without question, a very gay man. Don’t ask me why, I don’t get it either, but you are. Imagine my surprise when I correctly described a halter and was regretfully informed that I was, indeed, homosexual.
I don’t feel homosexual. I don’t even feel bisexual. In fact, the more I think of a woman in a halter, the more heterosexual I feel. So how does this work? I don’t get it.
You’re not suppose to. You just have to accept it. You’re gay. No ifs, buts, hows, or whens. Deal with it.
But I’m not attracted to other men. I’m not even attracted to really pretty men like in boy bands and on book covers. Although Fabio does make me all fluttery…
Okay. Too much info there. Go get help. Now.
But seriously, why is it that men with an interest in fashion or design must automatically be homosexual? Don’t buy it? Let me illustrate a common conversation for you.
Oh man, that doesn’t sound like fun.
Tell me about it. Some mornings, I just don’t wanna go into the office. Know what I mean?
Completely. What do you do for a living anyway?
I’m a fashion designer.
I don’t swing that way, man.
Do you see what I’m driving at? Well I’m going to challenge the paradigm. I’m going to make several statements that are fully incrimnating of homosexuality, but let it be known that I am a complete, flaming heterosexual.
- Halter most commonly refers to a top with a single strap situated behind the neck, leaving the back and shoulders bare.
- Vertical stripes are slimming and help create a seeming increase in height and trim.
- The best way to meld two colors together is with a neutral such as beige, tan, brown, or cream.
- Neutral brown walls combined with a cream white trim lend an air of class and dignity to a room.
- 50% off sales are completely awesome and I get giddy when I see signs with such notifications as “Buy 1, get 1 free”, “All shoes half off”, “Going out of business sale”, “Everything must go”, or especially the simple and ever-inspiring “Clearance.”
- Reds do not go in with whites, moron.
- I like the movies Sabrina, A Walk to Remember, The Notebook, and An Ideal Husband.
- I am a hopeless romantic and oftentimes have to catch myself so that I don’t say “awwwwwww.”
- I am fully aware that morals are not pictures on walls and scruples are not Russian currency.
- I don’t think a man should have sex with a woman unless he has married her.
- I will never allow chivalry to die because it will be forced to live on in my own life.
All this and more, but still I am straight. Why does the general public deem this so impossible? I don’t get it, but I am annoyed by it.