Confessions of a detestable blogger

01-evolution.jpgAs we all know (yeah right), evolution began 70 years ago when, in 1936, a big bang caused Konrad Zuse to create the first freely programmable computer. 33 years later, in 1969, we saw the advent of the original internet, ARPAnet. Then, one fateful day in 1981, Microsoft introduced us to the MS-DOS Computer Operating System and computers would never be the same.

Regarding computers, there has always been and shall always be a type of technological evolution. The most recent example of this, which has been made known to me through personal observation, is the evolution of internet users and their online interests.

It seems to start with a simple desire to play basic arcade games through the net. This soon is not enough to satisfy the cravings and users start to look for “harder” substances. Namely, Massively Multiplayer Online Games – or MMOG‘s. The user swiftly becomes addicted to such draws as Ultima Online, Everquest, World of Warcraft, and similar titles. They conquer the game, achieving the limit to which their character can be developed, but, even so, they are drawn to the game uncontrollably. In time, they realize that their addiction is to the social interaction with other players, and not the game itself.

In attempts to satisfy this new desire, they look for websites devoted to such social interaction. They come upon such domains as tagworld.com, xanga.com, and even the soon-to-be-outlawed-under-the-auspices-of-substance-abuse-control myspace.com. These sites allow them the capability to put themselves forth to the world by creating personal profiles from which they can share their visage and personality through self-serving depictions and poorly constructed, grammatically bankrupt paragraphs. Soon, they are drawn to the forums and great variety of persons and personalities. Interest in the aesthetics, surveys, and threatening chain messages soon gives way to a desire for real, intellectual discussion.

When this desire finally becomes irresistable, the user slowly abandons his personal profile site and searches for an online forum to become involved in, such as crapromedia.com and protestantpub.com. As this slavery to internet addiction grows and deepens, the user becomes more and more apathetic toward life. He can recite the “interests” section of each of the forum users’ contact pages, but has no clue as to even the skin color of his neighbor, much less their name. Soon, as he engages in heated discussion and debate, he grows weary of the ever-evident, high-brow attitude that each forum user possesses, all the time never realizing that he has developed the same detestable traits. He percieves that all the users argue and debate, but never learn and listen. He becomes infatuated with his own beliefs and opinions, believing that he alone is right and that all should listen (and possibly even bow) when he begins to speak. This over-confidence in his own abilities leads the user into the climax of his addiction:

B.L.O.G.G.I.N.G.

After futilely passing from one shady-looking blog dealer to the next, the user’s search comes to an end with WordPress.com. He has seen the afflictions of livejournal, blogger, and other mixed bags, but cannot deny the fix that comes from the pure stuff offered by WordPress. He begins to blog. He continues to blog. The addiction grows. Soon, he can no more sever his blogging tendencies than he could stop his blood from flowing. It would take death, hell, or an act of divine fury to cut him off from his beloved keyboard. His fingers develop stone-like calluses, his butt becomes eternally numb, and ocular bleeds are soon deemed the norm.

With no command over his own desires, he becomes slowly aware of his helpless situation. In time, he seeks out help from former bloggers. These now-reformed users point him in the direction of a certain Bloggers Anonymous organization – or, more simply, just B.A. He is introduced to their proven 12-Step Program to independency from blogs and blogging, and, with time and effort, he is able to refrain from his former blogging addiction.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

That was my testimonial paper. It was required writing for the completion of step 9. Do you think they’ll mind that I blogged it instead of hand-writing it like I was instructed to?

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